Todd McGrath

Date of Birth: 10/03/82
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Address: 1395 Orchard Road, apt 212.
Davenport, Iowa
Physical Appearance:
Height (Approx): 6’0”
Weight (Approx): 191 lbs.
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Hair Colour: Brown
Eye Colour: Blue/Green.
Distinguishing Marks: Black cap, self-inflicted scars down wrists and arms.

Do you suffer from any ongoing medical conditions such as heart conditions, diabetes, asthma or other long-term physical disabilities, diseases or afflictions?

Not as much of a condition as a nice-to-know fact. I have Situs Inversus and I wear a medical tag. Another nice-to-know fact is that I have had six surgeries done on my face.

Do you have any allergies to foods, inhalants or medications? Please list allergies and age of onset below.

N/A

Does your family have a history of any ongoing medical conditions such as heart conditions, diabetes, asthma or other long-term physical disabilities, diseases or afflictions?

Father: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, morbid obesity.
Mother: Sclerosis of the liver and lung cancer. Passed away when I was fifteen due to a complication with her cancer.
Other immediate relatives: nothing.

Do you, or have you ever suffered from a mental affliction, or do you feel that you have problems with your state of mind? Examples could be anxiety, depression, seeing or hearing things that are not there, suffering from uncontrollable impulses, or entertaining damaging thoughts such as wanting to harm/kill oneself or do something damaging to another person. Have you ever abused controlled substances, alcohol, or prescription medications?

I have been diagnosed with the following: social anxiety, major depressive disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, and binge-eating disorder. I have abused my prescription medication thrice, all of which were failed suicide attempts, but do not otherwise have any issues with controlled substances, alcohol, or prescription medications.

As far as compulsions go – I have body dysmorphic disorder. For the past four years, I have obsessed over my jawline and cheeks, and sit in front of a mirror for the most part of my day… I work at home, as my illness has kept me from leaving my apartment for the past four years. So I sit in front of a mirror for three hours every morning to get ready for the day of sitting in front of my computer and writing out testing protocols for the Bank of America. But back to my compulsions, I have to touch my face, cheeks, and jawline every five minutes or so. Not a quick touch either – I have to go in there, follow my cheekbones and stretch my skin in a certain way. I know logically that my skin isn’t going to stay higher, and my jaw line isn’t going to become more distinct, but I have to do it. Every half hour, I have to go back to my mirror and check out my face, make sure everything is sitting properly. I also have a habit of shifting my clothing. Tucking my shirt in, untucking my shirt, tucking it in again, every five, ten minutes. Or readjusting my jeans or shirt. All in all, I must spend at least five hours in the mirror every day, not counting how much I think about my face. My final compulsion is to have a binge-eat. I realize I am medically barely overweight, but my body goes through a ton of shit with this compulsion. Sometimes my BDD causes me to want to rip my face off, other times it influences me to go call up a plastic surgeon and have yet another surgery that butchers my face, and other times it sends me into a deep depression. Its during those times that I either cut myself with a scalpel – during the physical examination, you’ll see – or have a massive binge. The binging really hasn’t become too great of a deal, as I only do so maybe once a week, or at most twice, but during a binge I’ll down six to seven thousand calories? I guess it’s important to know that I only eat a single meal a day, because I know that when I binge I’ll put on four pounds. I have never felt compelled to purge after a binge, as I was never able to puke when ill as a child.


As per damaging oneself, I think I’ve already gone through this but I’ll hurry through it one more time. I cut myself – not really deeply though. I’ve only had one incident in my 500 plus cutting instances where I had to receive medical attention. I have tried to commit suicide three times. I almost went and tried to perform surgery on myself one time when my preferred plastic surgeon went and refused to do a procedure. Stopped myself and had to lean over a sink and stab it right where my gut would’ve been. And then there is the binge-eating and that’s damaging oneself’s health, yes? I could easily put on 10 pounds in a week if it were a bad week, and lose half of it starving myself the next.

I think I should let you know I've also have attempted suicide three times - the first time, I downed all my anti-depressants and my brother happened to visit me. The second one, I went full out, and swallowed both the anti-depressants as well as all the medications I had for everything and anything in my home. This time, my landlord came for the monthly cheque and she called for the ambulance... The third attempt was less than a week ago, in the hospital, also with pills. I was then recommended St. Matilda's.

Have you ever seen someone for these problems or addictions? Or have you been hospitalised or housed in an institution or home for people who suffer from mental afflictions, or admitted to a drug rehabilitation centre? If so, for how long, and what was your diagnosis?

I have seen therapists since I was five years old to work through the social anxiety, however, clearly have never managed to get through… I have never been admitted into a center or housed in an institution. My psychiatrist stands by the above-mentioned diagnosis.

However, I have spent a week in a suicide home, when I attempted suicide twice in a single week. I lost 10lbs that week because I couldn’t go out of my room and eat with the other people in the clinic.


Where were you born, and where did you grow up? Were there any complications during your birth? What was your infancy like?

I was born in LeClaire, Iowa, about a fifteen minute drive from Davenport, Iowa. My birth went fairly smoothly, you know, apart from the thirteen hour labor. I was lucky to not be born with major health problems apart from having all my internal organs being on the wrong side, considering how much of a heavy drinker and smoker my mom was. I guess my infancy wasn’t really much different than anyone else’s. The only thing I could pick out was the fact I was incredibly shy as a child. The kid you’d have to pry from behind my mother’s knees so that she could go to work. I also loved to do puzzles and read as a toddler, which the kids in my kindergarten class thought was odd.

My family life was quite difficult. My father and mother had a horrible relationship. They’d gotten married young when my mother accidently got pregnant with my brother. It was a horrible match-up. My father would drink and yell at my mother, who would in turn, down some alcohol and smoke some more, and then who would yell at my brother and I. As a result, I began to suffer from social anxiety, and then began to have food issues, which led to some other fun effects in school. I became a chubby kid who was afraid to talk, so my parents took me to some therapist who just cheated money out of them…

Did you ever have any long-term separation from your parents?

Never grew up too far from either or my parents, even if it would’ve probably been better if I had.

Do you have any siblings? If so, did you get along well with them?

I have an older brother, Jake, who is turning 30 in another month. He’s the only person I truly get along with. I feel hell of a lot more comfortable with him than I do everyone else, even if I can’t say the same for his wife, Taylor. Anyways, he comes to visit me twice a week, and he brings me groceries every Friday afternoon. Easily the best person in my world. I am the luckiest person in the world to have a brother that understands as much as he does. He is my emergency contact, if required.

Did you attend public or private school, and if so, what were your grades like and how did you feel about it?

I always despised my schooling. I attended public school, because it was three houses down. As for my grades, I always managed to get a mid A, or at the very least a high B. Not that I was naturally talented, but because I had no social life and no friends, and school work and obsessing over how I looked was all I did. I guess it’s pretty obvious that I had a rotten time in primary, secondary, and college. In primary school, I was very shy and very chubby, so I would always get made fun of. In middle school, when I was too afraid to talk to my peers, they’d belittle me and steal my belongings and toss them into the can because I wouldn’t fight back and because I was a nerd. In High School, when I finally grew into my size, I was so obsessed over the idea that everyone hated me that I was ridiculously paranoid and couldn’t start up a conversation with anyone. Not to mention, I broke out horrifically and nothing I did could change that – literally, that was one of the first things my BDD took over. I’d get pushed down the stairs and became the inside joke to everyone. Then in college, I was incapable of talking to anyone at all, and gave up entirely. In my third and fourth years I took all online courses, because I couldn’t even dare to sit in class with my peers, so petrified that my physical flaws were like bright neon signs lighting up my inner flaws. Even still, when I went in for exams, the prof would demand I take off my cap, and I couldn’t take it off. It’s my safety net. If I take it off, everyone could see my face, and my skin, and my nose, and my jawline, and nothing, nothing could be more horrid than that. So I guess, all in all, I had a dreadful time in all my levels of schooling.

Do you have an interest in the opposite or same sex, and if so, when did you become aware of this interest?

I am attracted to women, and have been so since a very young age. Five I think it was… Of course, it was more so noting how pretty a girl was and not anything further, but five was about the age I took a liking to girls.

Were you ever admitted to a psychiatric or correctional facility for juveniles, and if so why were you admitted, and how did you feel about it?

I was never admitted to a psychiatric/correctional facility.


Have you ever been convicted of a crime? If so, what was the conviction, and was was the sentence served, or fine paid?

I've never been convicted of a crime.

Have you ever taken or abused controlled substances? Have you ever had an addiction to prescription medications, or have you abused alcohol?

If you were to take me off of my prescription antidepressants, I would experience withdrawal, however I do not feel I have abused alcohol or otherwise had an addiction to prescription meds or illicit substances.


What are your goals in life?

I suppose my biggest goal in life right now is to get past all of my mental disablements. I do not expect this to change overnight, but I have not left my home in nearly four years now. I can not live like this anymore, where I am too petrified to leave the safety of my apartment. I do not want to feel the way I feel about myself.

How do you hope that our facilities might help you in achieving those goals?

I was first referred to St. Matilda's by my psychiatrist when I had two suicide attempts in a week, one being in a hospital. I realize that this is probably going to be the last shot I've in taking back my life, and so I pray that it works. I hope St. Matilda's can somehow release my anxiety and stop me from thinking the way I do. I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't.

Finally, tell us a bit about yourself.

I work full-time for the Bank of America from home. I'm actually quite high up - a level 9 Project Manager. I was able to work from home because I told them I suffer from Xeroderma Pigmentosum, and can not leave the house. I work QA, and was managing Mobile Alerts, and Mobile banking projects before I came here.

Otherwise, not much to say.

By agreeing to admission to our facilities, you hereby agree to abide by all rules and terms of service outlined in patient or resident handbooks, rules and codes of conduct. You hereby agree to waive your right to voluntary dismissal from our facilities until such a time as facility heads of staff sign paperwork for your release. You hereby agree to comply with facility staff recommendations, demands, or outlines for treatment. You hereby waive your right to informed medical consent before medication changes or medical procedures. You hereby agree to waive your right to hold Crane Pharmaceuticals and its Subsidiaries responsible for any personal harm or distress incurred during treatment. Crane Pharmaceuticals and its Subsidiaries reserve the right to add or amend these terms of service at any time.

Please sign and date below.

Todd McGrath 08/28/2010